HAMLET the Monkey
Hamlet began his life as a stuffed monkey. His career as a performer started by making appearances in several home movies. From there he was cast in a few independently produced short films. Eventually Hamlet outgrew the limitations of being a stuffed animal and made the decision to become a puppet. It was then that he joined The Guild of Thespian Puppets and naturally slipped into the leadership role of the chaotic puppet troupe.
Hamlet is an entertainer and he also loves to travel, which he does as often as he can manage. He has a huge appreciation for the English language and is very interested in words. One of his favorite words is “reciprocity,” something that he tries to bring into practice when working with the Guild. He also has a deep interest in science and the workings of the universe and has always had a fascination with theoretical physics.
CLEMENS the Alligator
Clemens is by far the oldest active contributor in The Guild of Thespian Puppets and a founding member of its first ensemble-cast back in 1874. There is little actual record of Clemens’ origins and activities prior to formation of the Guild, and he certainly proclaims that he “don’t remember a flib-diggin’ thing” about his early, formative years. His Mother and Grandmother, both still alive and also of indeterminate age, are retired and enjoy many leisure activities but cannot be counted on for any accurate re-telling of Clemens’ personal history without rambling nonsensically and veering way, way, way off-topic.
Currently in the Guild, Clemens acts as both a mentor and a meandering slightly befuddled lovable curmudgeon, who is often out-of-sorts due to an inability to keep up with his desired napping schedule. He favors roles with bold yet indecisive characters and tends to add chaos rather than control, and seems to be eternally perturbed whenever working with Dickens the Cat, though audiences enjoy their dichotomy. His musical preferences lean towards blues and folk Americana, with some ragtime vaudeville influence as well. Clemens currently resides in a hollowed-out stump near the Utica Marsh, and works part-time in his Mother’s Sarsaparilla Shoppe.
Tag-lines: “Hey! I’m napping here!” – “Can it, Cat.” – “Sweet-fancy fudge-buckets!”
DICKENS the Cat
We’ll level with you, Dickens the Cat is mostly a jerk. Almost entirely a jerk. You know how some people are jerks with a heart of gold, just looking to shine through their jerkiness and then eventually render them entirely golden? Yeah, no. That’s not Dickens. Dickens would find that guy, melt him down and then sell the gold to a shady pawn shop that asks no questions.
But to paraphrase the philosopher, every cat has his reasons. As a kitten, Dickens was a naïve and slightly-dim orphan with nothing but a Cockney accent and his fur to his name. Over the years, he pulled himself up by his furry little bootstraps into an erudite cat-about-town with a snark in his step and impeccable taste in vests.
And don’t get us wrong, he’s an incredibly valuable member of The Guild Of Thespian Puppets. He’s the second most classically trained actor after William Shakesbear and certainly the most clever member of the troupe. His worldly cynicism is a counter-weight to Hamlet’s endless optimism.
But mostly, Dickens the Cat is a terribly-funny terribly-clever fuzzy little jerk.
BIGGLES the Cardinal
Biggles the Cardinal wants to see what’s over that next ridge. He wants to explore new worlds, make new friends, come home with grand stories and then do it all over again. His cravings for adventure and excitement wouldn’t make for a good Jedi but it makes for a wonderful Thespian Puppet to include in The Guild.
Okay, granted, he can get a little self-important and grandiose in his sense of mission. Sure, he’ll jump to rash conclusions if they’d lend themselves toward making a mountain into a hill full of ninja alien mole warriors. He’s been known to exaggerate but never looking to lie or impress, it’s just that he loves the thrill of it so much that he gets worked up and things start to inflate. He just loves sharing his adventures with his friends and, indeed, anyone who’ll listen.
We’ve no idea where the accent came from. He may have genuinely flapped over from Scotland, he may have just flown into a television playing “From Russia With Love” one too many times. There’s probably a story there too. We’re sure he’d love to tell you about it…
DARWIN the Squirrel
Darwin The Squirrel is both intensely curious about the way things work and equally dim. His attempts to understand the world around him are laudable but much of the time, his attention span is simply not up to the task. He could be almost at the point of the light bulb going off and then be distracted by a fanciful lie or the rhythm of a song in the background. Or an acorn. You know. Like any attempt to learn something factual from the internet.
But as much as he gets wrong, he’ll always scurry up the tree of wisdom again for another shot at that good good stuff. He’s a true friend and a hard worker, for as long as he can keep his mind on track to do so, of course.
We don’t know where Barry Plumpit came from. We don’t know where he’s going. It is entirely possible he is older than the stars themselves and will outlast those stars in turn. It’s possible he doesn’t know, either. But he appeared one day and we are all the richer for it.
Here’s what we can say about Barry: the man knows a deal. He delights in finding the best bargains on clothes and various sundries and he loves telling you about it. He’s not rubbing it into your face, he’s happy to tell you where he got it. Sometimes four times!
He loves to tell you what his favorite things are but he’s not judgmental, he’s just opinionated. You can see things your way, he just sees things his and he likes to tell you about it.
Do not let her age or her adorable squeak of a voice fool you, Scout may be the smartest puppet in The Guild. Or maybe at least she’s the one with the most common sense and maybe, when you’re a puppet, that’s even more important.
She is sassy, insightful and if you looked up “precocious” in the dictionary, you’d probably find her picture. I mean, if dictionaries had pictures of puppets in them. Which I don’t think they do. Unless you count Wikipedia. In fact, definitely go on Wikipedia and put pictures of Scout in the entry under “precocious.” She would love that.
Of course, when you’re a child with an adult’s smarts, it can be frustrating and at times Scout will let the expletives fly. Luckily she always keeps herself in check around other children, it would be nice if maybe someone cleaned her little felt mouth out with soap.